I am 55, and I realized this reality at an X Anonymous meeting in Boulder, CO.
I had moved to the Denver area in 2020 and, as an old punk, I just hated the city. My square extended family tried to show me “hip” places, and I was like, “What the fuck is going on?” They had pink hair and tattoos, but they were athletic and overly polite and… not alternative. No other way to put it.
But then I walked into a Queer (technically LGBTQ) X Anonymous meeting and… there were all the punk rockers. All the trans dolls, the extraordinarily creative, the beautiful edgy ones, the reality renegades. And they love the 12 steps for the same reason they love vinyl records: it’s so absurdly archaic they love it. Then I went to another Queer meeting in Boulder. Probably 70% trans. Most people had alt pronouns and outstanding fashion sense. That’s when I realized: Queer is the new punk rock.
So first, of course, trans and transgender people (as I am one now). It’s the technical definition: someone who knows themselves to be a different gender than assigned at birth, etc.
But I’m also convinced, having literally 10 friends who had kids who transitioned early, that these trans kids are often the descendants of punk rockers. I don’t know the name at this point. Maybe we’re still calling it “alternative”? And for all of you Gen X folks, I know I sound pretentious saying this, but my friends who were punk didn’t all have crazy hair. A lot of them wore the uniform of normal people, or had their own style. But they were alternative. Jack Kerouac’s loud popping sound. They were rebels, independent thinkers, talented artists, feral, wild. These kids were the children of musician, poet, anarchist, bisexuals with nose rings in the ’90s.
So I think when you see, for Gen Z, this huge number of Queer and trans kids of Gen X parents, it’s really an additional dimension of not seeing life in a binary way. Like the hippies in the ’60s did about war, and like Gen Z does with being feral, doing a lot of drugs, and being really pissed off about how hard it is to make a living. Fight Club was our movie. And for Gen Z, gender is just a stupid old idea that is totally fine to break or bend.
I was talking to one of these friends with a trans boy, and he told me a story. He said, “Our generation listened to the most fucked up music that has yet to be invented.” From metal to noise art, to rap that freaked out suburban parents, to just fucked up shit that doesn’t sound like anything, to out-of-tune nonsense. We Gen X peaked the weird music.
He continued: “And I used to wonder, what type of music could my kid possibly listen to that would freak me out? What would that music be? What is the sound of music that would freak me out?”
And then, when my child, who was once a little baby girl I held in my arms and made toys for… when V was 10 and looked at me and said, ‘Daddy, I don’t feel like a girl, I feel like a boy inside.’ I was so shocked and afraid and spun around. I suddenly heard the music. I heard the music that freaked me out. My daughter wasn’t my daughter from that moment on. My kid was breaking away from society in the one area we hadn’t thought of: gender identity.”
I’ll also add the note that any talk about parents grooming is nonsense. All nine of my friends with trans kids, now mostly grown, with not one reversal on course, all moving forward as adults who transitioned early, many starting college and with no one having any idea. As progressive, supportive, and accepting as my friends were, everyone needed a beat. Everyone was nervous about making medical decisions. Everyone saw dozens of doctors and worked slowly and consciously. All moved slower than their kids wanted to.
And for me, as an alternative person and a trans person who fairly recently transitioned myself, again, it’s the non-binary, the duality, the cognitive dissonance. For me, some of it is a legit gender issue, and some is simply the rejection of this invisible divide. Do trans kids have a gender reality that’s different than most people? Yes. And is it also a signal of a truly unique and creative thinker? Yes to that too.
Trans people know themselves to be another gender, or no gender at all, and most of the entire generation just doesn’t see it as a big deal. They see their Gen X parents as binary, homophobic, and transphobic. I personally feel gender is a prison, an unnecessary label that often isn’t that helpful. Now, with politics in 2025, parents are frightened for their children’s safety. But like with punk rock, good luck rolling back that tide.
Look at how normal it is to have pink hair today. A nose ring. Giant boots. A huge afro. Low-hanging jeans. A tattoo on your neck. Anime cosplay outfits at McDonald’s. Look at how mainstream bohemian fashion is now.
And you know what’s the best thing about Queer being the new punk rock? The more you fight it, the more the ministers try to stamp it out, the bigger the movement becomes. So again, good luck fighting punk rock.
“And these children that you spit on as they try to change their world are immune to your consultations, they’re quite aware what they’re going through.”
David Bowie