A Totally Fictional Puppet Show
Cast:
- OWL – Narrator. Dignified. Lawyerly. Calm.
- BEAR – Los Alamos undercover agent. PhD candidate. Emergency-services adjacent. Hacker of bear-proof garbage cans.
- MEERKAT (J) – Executive. Nervous. Large eyes. Bigger ears.
- JACKAL (offstage voice) – Corporate legal liaison.
- ENSEMBLE ANIMALS – Snake, Crab, Crane, Tiger, Clam, Doe, etc.
SCENE 1: THE DISCLAIMER– THIS PUPPET SHOW IS A WORK OF FICTION
(Red velvet steampunk curtains. Brass gears turn slowly. OWL perches on a legal lectern.)
OWL (Narrator, solemnly):
It is essential to clarify that all names have been changed. This is a total work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental, and all names have been more than anonymized. They are composites of multiple people in dozens of whistleblower testimony that can be found online. There are no real people, only sock puppets.
(Pause.)
OWL:
What follows is an imagining — a fantasy — in light of a recent puppet performance at the Smith’s Grocery store at 4:20 P.M. entitled “Kathryn Born vs. AbbVie, Second Amended Complaint, in Los Alamos, New Mexico.
(Lights dim. Dramatic clockwork ticking.)
SCENE 2: THE EMAIL
(Projected: “SUBJECT: We Should Take This to the Phone.”)
JACKAL (voice, tense):
Let’s take this to the phone. Not Teams. Not email. Phone. Non-recorded.
(BEAR enters quietly from stage left, wearing a small earpiece. He flips a large plastic bear-proof garbage can upside down, a bag of garbage falls out – he continues walking and winks at the audience.)
BEAR (aside to audience):
Hinge unlocks at 180 degrees.
(BEAR dials MEERKAT.)
SCENE 3: THE CALL
(MEERKAT pops up vertically from a burrow. Large eyes. Even larger ears.)
MEERKAT:
Hello?
JACKAL (voice):
Butterfly is performing her complaint. Her seven-page Second Amended Complaint submitted to the court. She’s adapted the document into a Toy Paper Puppet Theater production, and it’s believe to have occurred on 2/28 at 4:20 in Los Alamos, New Mexico at the Smith’s Grocery Store. It was reported to be a large audience considering the puppet proscenium was a cardboard box.
MEERKAT:
What was the show about?
JACKAL:
It’s not quite clear, sir, it seemed to be about a series of Microsoft TEAMS meetings. The audience sings to the TEAMS ring “doo de doo, du” tone and here’s a recurring theme where the audience yells out “You’re on mute!”
(Silence.)
MEERKAT:
Wait, was it online?
JACKAL:
No sir, she had a paper puppet that played the role of a red crossed-out microphone. A paper button glued to a coffee stirrer. I don’t know if you understand the seriousness of this situation, she is performing her second amended complaint as a live puppet show in Las Alamos, New Mexico.
MEERKAT (stares, blinking rapidly):
What?
JACKAL:
There’s more.
MEERKAT:
Of course there is.
SCENE 4: THE TOTEM ANIMALS
LEGAL L:
She has anonymized it. It’s in the form of spirit animals, excuse me, correction, totem animals.
MEERKAT (whispering):
What animal am I?
(BEAR slowly circles behind him.)
LEGAL L:
Sir. You are the meerkat.
MEERKAT:
A… what?
OWL (gently explaining):
Meerkats are vigilant desert mammals. They stand upright. Large ears. Very large eyes.
MEERKAT (touching ears):
Oh my God.
BEAR (dryly):
Good peripheral vision. Excellent for detecting predators.
MEERKAT:
What are the other animals?
LEGAL L:
The VP is a ferret. Also present: a snake, a crab, a crane, a tiger, a clam—
MEERKAT:
Who is the clam?
LEGAL L:
BHR, sir. Business Human Relations
(Beat.)
MEERKAT:
Of course.
LEGAL L:
It gets worse, sir. The VP of LMNOP, the executive who terminated her is… portrayed a dodo bird.
(Silence. Clockwork ticking louder.)
MEERKAT:
This isn’t happening.
JACKAL:
She also claims she’s asked Chuck Palahniuk for permission to do Fight Club 2 from Marla’s perspective 25 years later. Roughly her career in healthcare and the wellness coaching space.
MEERKAT:
Wow.
BEAR (into side mic, low voice):
Intel confirms high narrative volatility.
OWL (measured):
Rumor accumulates mass. Mass becomes gravity.
SCENE 5: REDDIT MEETS IRL
JACKAL:
A person on Reddit r/Los Alamos said, of this chaotic situation “I don’t know what is true and what is false anymore.”
MEERKAT:
No one knows?
JACKAL:
No one knows, sir. Many of the attendees of the puppet show simply came to see if this thing on Reddit would actually happen. And it appears to be a smash hit, sir. People remained in the area for over an hour, having discussions about the case and their own lived experiences: teachers, scientists, several PhDs, some polymer people happened to be walking by and stayed for the show. Today she said she’s making a sequel and adding several new characters.
MEERKAT:
I need to get on the phone and have some conversations. We have to get ahead of this, before the honeybadger hears about it.
JACKAL:
It is rumored the Butterfly is coming to Chicago for most of March 2026. Working on a film set, working on the election, observing courtrooms. She’s reportedly in talks with both Guild Row and the Chicago International Puppet Festival. There’s even a rumor that Roberto Rossi of Great Small Works might be involved.
MEERKAT (frozen upright):
(Red velvet curtains close. Brass gears grind softly.)
END
(…. To be continued)