Scheduled to be performed at the Tuesday, 9 PM Table Read at Chicago Dramatists, 3/17/26
Title: FC25 Table Read (5 min)
By Kathryn Born, 3/17/26
Characters:
*Marla
*Adam
*R1 – Recovery Lead 1 (Procrastinators Anonymous)
*R2 – Recovery Lead 2 (Epson Support Group)
*R3 – Leanne (Participant)
*R4 – Gary (Participant – Interpretative dance)
*Stage Direction Reader (SD)
Lights up.
SD: 25 years after the Fight Club was closed, they meet again at the diner.
Adam: Marla, it’s me
Marla: Who is me?
Adam: Me. Remember? “I am Jack’s medulla oblongata?”
(beat)
“I am Jack’s inflamed sense of rejection? I am Jack’s wasted life?”
Marla (suddenly remembers him): OMG of course, how are you? You look better than the last time I saw you.
Adam: right after I shot my face, and you gave me gauze?
Marla: Yes, and you said “You met me at a really strange time in my life.”
Adam: It’s still really strange
Adam: And we held hands as Project Mayhem tried to blow up all the credit card data centers.
Marla: OMG, right! I totally forgot about that! How did that work out for you?
Adam: Not so good, it turns out the credit card companies had off-site backup
Marla: (sighs) 25 years later, data centers are still the enemy. Look at this:
SD: holds up a grey glass of water with dark chunks of soot
Marla: 25 years ago, we didn’t realize the technology battlefield would be potable water.
Adam: 25 years later, where are we? What have we accomplished? I have kids now-
Marla: (interrupts) oh ya? How old?
Adam: 18 and 24
Marla: Same! What are the chances?
Adam: Have you heard of that thing called the Gen Z stare? They give you a blank, pointed look (gives the look)– the Gen Z stare – and I realize now it’s the voice of an entire generation asking Gen X why we are handing over this broken fucking world, with no recommendations for how to fix it.
Marla: Right? It’s like, “here ya go, kids, good luck. Try not to catch a virus, digital or otherwise. We have no solutions for either!”
Adam: Do you still go to support groups?
Adam: Yes, you?
Marla: Yes. I actually lead one now, a cross-addiction group for people who are addicted to at least 3 things, so food, pot and doom scrolling would be an “addiction stack.”
Adam: So I can do SLA, anger management and nicotine?
Marla: That’s 4 addictions, sex and love addiction being two things, but yes. My favorite group is Procrastinators Anonymous
(lights up, stage left)
R1: Welcome everyone to Procrastinators Anonymous, apologies to everyone who showed up to the cancelled meeting last Thursday, we are still working on updating the website.
Marla: They can never get their website done. I mean-
(Marla and Adam in unison): It’s Procrastinators Anonymous
R1: The topic today is about the Liven app. Although it’s been great to see awareness about procrastination addiction, several member have shared that they are procrastinating by using the Liven App, resulting in their procrastination app being a new method of procrastination.
Marla: That’s tragic. What about you? What meetings are you going to?
Adam: I go to a lot of technology related groups that big companies offer for workers who have lost their soul. So you know Epson? Epson printers?
(lights up, stage left)
R2: Welcome everyone to the “Epson Status Quo Group – No More Shame” – a group that empowers longtime Epson employees who are powerless to improve destop printers. We are a fellowship that has watched helplessly as ink jet printers remain as buggy and dysfunction as they were 1999. Today Bart is going to discuss strategies for when family members accost us at family events about re-installing drivers, phantom paper jams and why our only technology innovation was blocking cheaper generic ink. Leanne, do you want to kick us off?
R3 (Leanne): Sure, Mike. Hi everyone, I’m Leanne. I work at Epson.
(Everyone): Hi Leanne
R3 (Leanne): As you know, this Epson Printer support group uses interpretive dance to release the shame and stigma we are all facing with the XR1-2834 printer. Gary, if you feel ready, you can go ahead and perform “Paper Jam – Rear Tray 2”
Gary:
(Gary performs a frantic, 3-frame interpretive dance where he just jerks his shoulders up and down, lurches his arms out and crumples into a pile – and then freezes for ten seconds).
R3 Leanne: Thanks Gary, that was really brave.
Adam: None of them admit to working at Epson. They say they make a living by playing piano at a whorehouse.
Marla: Language, Adam, language. I’m grateful I don’t work for Epson printers. When I worked in pharma, we did training every July about how to answer your family when they say they had to sell their house to afford their rheumatoid arthritis medicines. The training was chaos, workers would cry out, “but it’s not true! The money doesn’t go back to R&D!”
Marla: You know what’s a great meeting? In that same building they have a support group for people who have been working on Microsoft Word for over 20 years.
Marla: Do they have trauma related to numbered lists and bullets?
Adam: Yes, and tables … saving a file..
(beat, they both nod)
Adam continues: they’re not even able to help their own families. One dad used to get drunk and pass out so he wouldn’t have to admit that he couldn’t get the bullets to align. They thought he was a terrible alcoholic but he just couldn’t get the bullets into an even column
Marla: or have the bullet points be the same size
Marla: That Microsoft Word Rage group was legendary – Wasn’t there an issue that when a person joined the group a few minutes late, and try to join the circle with their folded chair, no one could move over a small amount to let them in? Instead they’d fling their bodies and chairs over to the other side of the room?
Adam: Right, like when you try to add an image and your document explodes.
Marla: Exactly, it’s like, 10 pages longer all of a sudden, and tables that have columns that go beyond the printable area, and can’t be fixed. I think you have to reinstall your operating system to fix it. So ya, these people were practically teleporting themselves out, flinging their bodies out of the chairs when a new person tried to join the circle
Adam: Tough stuff. It sounds like in both groups they’ve really internalized the issues.
Marla: I can imagine
Adam: And then of course there’s Jack.
Marla: Don’t even mention Jack. (Marla shakes her head and begins poking the palm of her hand with her finger).
Adam: When the building installed laundry machines that required a phone app to do a load of laundry.
Marla: the QR code. Nervous breakdown. He just wanted to use coins….
(they both shake their heads)
Adam: How’s it going with Together as One: Split Personalities Group?
Marla: Enough, Tyler
Adam: I’m asking seriously.
Marla: How’s it going for you? Are you still 2 people? Are you still an addict? Are you still Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Jackass?
Marla: I’m trans, specifically non-gender, and that’s helping a lot. I switched from “they/them” to “ze/zer” because being plural … was not working out for me.
Adam: We’re both just trying to be one person
Marla: Yet here we are, sitting across the table from each other.
Adam: Telling ourselves that if we lose we win?
Marla: Same planet, different world?
Adam: We are still the same, after all these years
(In unison): We are still the same person person we were 25 years ago
Adam: You’re a tourist, Marla, and you always will be.